The best, but most anticlimactic dunk contest ever

Did you know that anticlimactic is spelled ‘anticlimactic’? It looks kind of wrong to me.

A pretty awesome introduction. This dunk contest features the reigning dunk champ and three NBA no-names. Imagine walking into that building and waiting for the dunk contest, then getting excited for Ricky Davis, Chris Andersen, and Fred Jones.

The one dunk and one replacement dunk is a sweet rule… for now. Really cuts out the crap with the failed attempts. If you pay attention, pretty much every dunk brings down the building. Imagine if Javale McGee got the two ball dunk in on his first attempt. That would have been something.

Ricky Davis has a less graceful version of Vince Carter’s 360 windmill. Chris Andersen does a pretty fucking awesome dunk for a big guy (Dwight Howard definitely could not do the same dunk. I’d pay money to watch Shawn Kemp do it in a game).

Fred Jones has the worst dunk of the first round, but gets the highest score. It’s a pretty awesome dunk but there’s too little going on. Fred Jones vertical leap isn’t high enough for a short guy like him to have enough time in the air to do cool tricks. His long wingspan also makes it hard for him to do a proper windmill.

And by the way, hangtime doesn’t exist. On the planet Earth, everything accelerates up and accelerate down at an equal rate. I am no master physicist so there may be exceptions to this, but I’m pretty sure Julius Erving and Clyde Drexler are not in that list of exceptions.

If Ricky Davis entered the 2010 Dunk Contest, he probably would have won. 2010 was a sucky dunk contest. I had to Google and YouTube the 2010 dunk contest because I have no recollection of what idiotic stunts Nate Robinson pulled that year… except that was the year he didn’t do anything stupid, which makes it even worse.

Back to 2004, Jason Richardson brings down the house with an insane off the backboard, through-the-legs dunk. CRAZY. I’ve seen most of the dunk contests that are on YouTube but I still had one of those “OHHHH” reactions to this one.

Fred Jones’s arching backwards alley oop dunk is pretty amazing and looks awesome. I’m getting all hyped up but then it goes downhill from here.

Except for a little bump. Look at Jason Richardson’s “ah screw it” dunk. That was a clean 360 dunk with an extra pump for good measure. He was disappointed after that dunk. WTF?

Things actually go downhill from here. The rules leave everyone in the crowd confused and disappointed, and what would have been one of the greatest dunk contests in recent history just becomes another forgotten memory.

9 awesome dunks (Birdman’s alley oop power dunk sucked) could have been capped off by an alley oop dunk from a fan and a 360 honey dip, but instead it ends with a weird tip in and a missed dunk. Super fun All-Star Saturday over, everyone goes home sad. It’s like the ending to Fight Club. I recently watched that movie and I found the ending lackluster. Most overrated movie ever.

– Jordan

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