We watch the NBA for its star players, for their signature moves and highlight reel plays. We love to see Kobe’s underbite and Lebron’s powder toss. They are the ones on posters and billboards around the world, they are the ones who sell out arenas and whose name you see on the back of every jersey as you’re walking down the street. There is no doubt that Dwight Howard and D-Wade will still be talked about 50 years from now as some of the greats. But this elite group of individuals only really counts for roughly 10% of the league.
Without scrubs, rosters wouldn’t be filled up to the league minimum, stars wouldn’t be able to take breaks and most importantly, we as fans, would not have anyone to mock and ridicule. It is time to celebrate the benchwarmers, the towel-wavers, the professional high-5’ers of the league. Here is the Smoke Rafer’s Top 10 Scrubs list:
10. Matt Bonner (San Antonio Spurs)
Matt Bonner is a personal favorite of mine. His phallic name provided me and my friends with many laughs throughout the years. Thanks Matthew.
9. Jason Collins (Atlanta Hawks)
This player showed me things that I did not know were possible in the game of basketball while he was on my Nets during their glory days. He proved that it was possible for a big man to be on the floor for 40+ minutes and grab a whopping one rebound. He showed me that it was possible for any Average Joe on the street with minimal basketball skills to play in the NBA (you would just have to be 7’0” first!).
He also taught me a valuable life lesson – that if you are really really really really really really good at one thing (and one thing only), it doesn’t matter if you are garbage at everything else, you can be successful. Great post defender in his prime, but absolutely useless and hopeless in every other facet of the game.
8. Juwan Howard (Miami Heat)
“(CBS4 News) SOUTH BEACH An arrest warrant is expected to be issued today for NBA basketball star Juwan Howard.
Miami Beach police told our news partners at The Herald that they’ll seek a warrant for Howard’s arrest Thursday.
Howard, a former Heat player who now plays for the Houston Rockets, is accused of stealing an expensive pair of sunglasses from a South Beach store.
The owner of the Eye Q Optical at 760 Ocean Drive says Juwan Howard took off with a pair of Cartier sunglasses worth almost $2000 from his store. He says the incident was caught on surveillance camera, though he is not allowing the media to view the tape yet.
Miguel Rodriguez, a salesperson at the store was originally fired by the owner after the pricey glasses went missing, but after reviewing the surveillance tape, the owner realized it was Howard who had taken them. To make matters more disturbing for the employees, Howard is known to them as a regular customer at the shop that is frequented by many celebrities.
The management of the store did file a police report with the Miami Beach Police Department.
Howard, who owns a condo on Brickell Key and a home in the Coral Gables area, is reportedly in Houston.”
C’mon man, you’re stealing a pair of sunglasses after that $105,000,000 dollar contract that the Bullets (foolishly) gave you? Really? Are you for real?
In all fairness though, Howard is not a terrible player and does have his moments (see below for a monster jam on Chris Kaman), but this incident alone lands him on Smoke Rafer’s Top 10 Scrubs List.
7. Joey Graham (Cleveland Cavaliers)
“I’m the most versatile player, I think, in the league.”
Not a terrible player, quite the physical specimen actually. Raptors fans had hoped that he would become a Ron Artest-type player before. He’s on the list because of the quote above… he’s just not all there…
Cleveland fans sure are fortunate that their team managed to snag the most versatile player in the league to replace that LeBron guy.
6. Adonal Foyle (N/A)
5. Brian Scalabrine (Chicago Bulls)
Yes, the man in the picture is a professional athlete… he is indeed paid hundreds of thousands to play sports at a high level.
Read the first and only article in the history of the world dedicated to the strengths of Brian Scalabrine – here.
4. Sasha Vujacic (New Jersey Nets)
Sasha wasn’t always a scrub, he was once a dependable rotational player, a dead-eye three point specialist, a pesky defender… a machine. But all that was no more after he signed that lucrative contract with the Lakers, he has since been a bum.
Here is a small clip of the massive ass-whooping handed to Sasha courtesy of Goran Dragic, the new Slovenian superstar, in Game 6 of last year’s playoffs:
3. Darko Milicic (Minnesota Timberwolves)
Pent-up anger over years of bench-warming and pretty much sucking dick at basketball?
PS: Nice play in ‘Sota, Darko!
2. Eddy Curry (New York Knicks)
Talk about a fall from grace. Four seasons ago he was averaging 19.5 points and 7.1 boards per game while playing all 81 games. The past two seasons he’s played in just 10 games while averaging around 2 points and 1 rebound…
Here is an in-game photo of Eddy Curry:
1. Adam Morrison (N/A)
There is no need for explanations. Adam Morrison has brought so many of us so much joy and happiness. Let us watch and enjoy the wonder that is Ammo: